Rejoined

I woke up this morning, thinking I have to give this another go.  Again.  

I have been down and out for a while now, eating everything in site, feeling sorry for my self.  Why can't I get this under control?  I've gained at least 10 lbs back.  Jeans in the waist are getting snug, my fat pudgy face is coming back and feel totally disgusted with my self.  I just need to wrap my head around this and do it.  It is tough, and hate having to face the music.  I will do this on my own, and will focus as well as I can, and take it day by day.

I am interested to see the new program WW is coming out with.  I signed up on line again, and just hope this will work this time.  I need to fight my cravings and hunger.  Hunger is a very uncomfortable feeling, but I need to fight it and eat more feeling foods.  I need to get a better understanding of how this works.  I never really understood it, as stupid as that sounds, cause really, it's easy.

Here is to a new fresh start, working on my self, and make changes for a better me.

Bella ♥

Back Pain

For the last month my lower back issues have been bothering me.  Then just last week my sciatic nerve got irritated and I have been in terrible pain for an exact week.  Not being able to move very well, very sleep deprived, grumpy, almost depressed like.  I can not leave the house, I can't drive, I pretty much can't go anywhere or move much.  I do get up every 20 mins or so to keep my body somewhat active and then sit down on a kitchen chair, as my couch is too soft and too low.

This pain got me thinking.  I know people of all sizes get sciatica pain, but I wonder if my slacking on exercising and my walks have something to do with it?  Of course regular exercise will help build muscle and keep the body is good shape.  I would give anything to just be able to leave the house, and go shopping....Hell I can't wait to go to work (never thought I'd say that).  But, cabin fever has sunk in and I am losing my marbles sitting in a stiff chair and the one place I love......Bed.........isn't even a good place because it's where I get the most pain.  Hmmmm

Another very important reason why I must get better is, I\m leaving for Vancouver next Thursday.  I don't want to postpone the trip....but if I have to I have too.   I've been looking forward to this trip for a long time.

So, this is my pledge.  Get back to walking and doing my exercise DVDs.  Get my body working again.  I know that the sciatica issues are not gone for ever, but at least getting my back muscles into shape and regularly worked, it hopefully will not be as severe as it is right now.

Smooches

Bella

Here I go again

Feeling like a huge failure once again.  I am down 1.8 from last week, but have changed what I am doing....AGAIN.  I am not sure what is the right plan or program for me.  You'd think I would figure it out by now what works and what doesn't.  All I can do I guess is just keep going and don't give up, and just do it and take it one day at a time, after all I am human.  I have to be strong and dedicated to what I am doing.  

I need to kick my self in the ass and get back to exercising, laziness has taken over me for way too long.  It's plain and simple, I just need to do it.  I hope it will hit me in the face soon, talking about it doesn't do anything, actions speak louder then words.

Bella ♥

Helllooooo

Is anyone out there?????  It was brought to my attn that I have been slacking at blogging, so here I am Sunday morning up early, enjoying my morning coffee.

What first, hmmmm.  My weight loss has been up and down still, yesterdays weigh in was up 2.2.  blarg.  Oh well, kinda expected it as I ate out 3 times and didn't pick healthy stuff and all that crazy sodium which probably made me retain some water, but I knew part of it was actual fat gain.  I have been slacking on the exercise too.  This week, I will focus and stick to it, so I will see the dreaded scale go down.

Now, my exciting personal life.  Ha!  Right.  I am stuck in a place where I don't know what I want half of the time.   Do you let go of someone that you don't know where things are going?  At what point do you tell your self to move on and leave it in the past and try find something better?  The thing is, I need to know where things will go, or if they will go anywhere.  I have another option out there, but even then, not sure where that will go either.  Am I talking in riddles?  I do that, a lot.  Soon, I will hopefully figure it all out, get the answers I need.  Sometimes facing reality sucks, even if it might bring heart ache and sorrow.  We shall see.

Thanks for listening..........or shall I saw reading.

Bella ♥

Week 3

Hey all!  I missed last week.

Last week, I was up .7, not bad.  Had a emotional, stressful situation going on, so kinda fell off plan.  Bunch of cravings and then not really eating and then eating everything in sight.

This past week, was alright, still had crazy cravings still.  Not sure why, but sooo many of them to drive me crazy.  I was down the .7 I was up last week.  Not bad I think, better then being up that's for sure.

It's September already, and long weekend.  Not much going on with me, just chilling, relaxing and doing the usual weekend duties.  

Just a short and sweet blog today.  Have a safe and wonderful long weekend everyone!

Smooches

Bella ♥

Week 1......

Down 3 (technically 2.9), but why not round if off!  : p  My scale is way off from their scale, but I will follow theirs, even though mine is WAY better.  haha

 This makes me happy, seeing something happen makes me happy, and positive for things to come.  : )

Not much going on this weekend.  Last night I had too many beers and whiskey, so today I am just doing some stuff around the house and that's pretty much all.  Tomorrow I am probably going into work for a few hours, and get ready for hell week #2.  

Cheers!

Bella ♥

A New Me......

How many times do you have start over again?  Whether it's this program, or that program.....it's finding what works for you.  I believe, no diet (some say life style change) is better then the other.  That is why so many different programs were created, every one loses weight different ways.  Some are controversial, some are what people say "the easy way out", but if one works for you, then great.  Getting healthy, being happy in your own skin is what is most important.

I started a program that I first did about 4 yrs ago.  I had great luck on it, but at that time I wasn't in the right mind set, and losing weight wasn't important to me at the time.  My second attempt was 2 yrs ago for a very short time, and then, I still wasn't in the mind frame to put my weight first.  Now, after trying things on my own, then doing one program and another, I am back to this one.  I feel that this one, is best for me.  I know I will see results, I will be happy on it, and I really enjoy it.  My mind is where it needs to be, I don't want to be frustrated anymore, I just want to get my "happy" back.  Happiness comes from many levels, and feeling good with my self, is the most important happy, to me.

So, week one started today.  I can do it.  I will do it.  No one can tell me different.  I am doing this for me, one step at a time.  I am going to kick ass, get sexier, get prettier, smile from cheek to cheek, and get happier.

Smooches

Bella ♥

Another fantastic Weekend

Yesterday was spent outside most of the day, a lot of sun and fun times, the weather was perfect.  Jen, Mike some friends of theirs and I went to the Cariwest Festival & parade.  Even though the festival has been in our city for years, we have never gone before.  It was very vibrant, high energy and fun!  The afternoon was cooled down with a Banana/Pina Colada Margarita, very tasty.  We wanted to try food of the Caribbean but the line up were crazy insane long because there weren't very many, so we opted to walk to Boston Pizza, which was nice too!

Update on my weight......it's so not good.  But, I am starting a new program this week, I've done it before and I am excited about it.  It's something I can stick to, and enjoy and I've had great results with it in the past.  I need to get rid of this 5 lbs and go down down down.  I am aiming  to lose at least 25 lbs by Christmas, if not more.  Think I can do it??


Bella ♥

August Long Weekend

I love long weekends!  The weather is amazing, perfect!  Yesterday Jen, Mike and I went to Capital Ex.  I had a beef on a bun, shaved taters, and WAY too many mini donuts and Cotton Candy.  Diet wasn't even on my mind.........I figured going to the Ex every few yrs and eating this food won't hurt.  Well, it will hurt the scale and the waist line, but it just means I will have to work out extra to get it out and drink tons of water.  On the main stage Social Code and Hedley were playing.  They sounded great!  My feet killed me by the end of the night, but it was all worth it.  Fun times with wonderful friends.

I am experiencing crazy tooth pain, and am not functioning very well from it.  I hate teeth, I hate everything about them, especially when there is pain. Today, I am just taking it easy, might take a trip to Walmart at some point, other then that just chill with the hound and go for a walk this evening.

As far as the weight loss goes, been not doing too well.  Eating has been alright, but just not going anywhere with the scale, the frustration continues as usual.  Hopefully something will go right for me soon, because I am not sure what to do.

Happy Long Weekend to all.

Bella  ♥

Here I go again

So, after thinking to my self over and over. I am going to continue on the 'lifestyle change'. Not that I stopped or anything, but I haven't been caring or really paying attn to what I've been putting into my mouth. So after a box of cookies later, a few bags of chips, cheese dips, chocolate bars, ice cream and not weighing for a couple weeks............I am back in the saddle again. I weighed this morning and I was up 1.2, so that puts me at 298.2. *gag* '

It's getting back to work, starting and finishing off the summer right. Get back to exercising everyday (no matter what the temp is outside, no excuses), watching what I am eating. Focusing on my self, getting healthier, getting back to going down down down, rather then up, stall, up. I know I can do this, I just have to do it, no option. I won't be tracking, no counting calories. I find that is just too much pressure right now. But, I will weigh and measure all my food, plan out my food every day as normal.

I want the happy back, I want to get rid of the tiredness, the lazy hum drum I have been feeling to be gone. wish me luck!

Bella ♥

Gone too fast

I can't believe the week is over already. Seriously, why do holidays go so fast, but when you are at work the days go by so slow?? I do admit by mid week I was bored out of my mind. I am used to going away somewhere, and I probably will continue to do that for holidays. A week at home is just not enough for me. haha It is way better then being at work, don't get me wrong, I just need to travel for part of the vacation to even it all out.

Last night I had a little bit of a melt down, frustration, anxiety about some things. I can't remember the last time I had a cry like that. I thought I was going to lose my marbles. Being emotional is sooo exhausting. I feel like I am at a loss for a bunch of things and don't know why I can't get a grip on things.

I heard on the tv today that the 30s are the new 20s.....meaning in your 30s now a days, people are starting to figure out them selves, where they are going in life, what they want, who they are, finding their path so to speak. I honestly agree with that. In my 20s I was all about partying, living the careless life. My future didn't matter to me, like it does now. It's taking that step to make the changes. How does one do that? Do they turn to professionals? Friends? Family? for the answers? Or do they just try figure it all out them selves?

So, today here I sit thinking about what to do, where to go, when to do it. It's never too late to do something, right? Whether it's finding a new career, educating your self, getting healthier, and sometimes changing who you are as a person doesn't hurt, right? I sure as hell hope I figure shit out soon, even if those changes might cause me heart ache, life isn't easy, and it hurts sometimes, but it's the step you have to take to find that road you want to go down.

Smooches

Bella ♥

Holidays!!

I can't update on my weight as I forgot to weigh yesterday and this morning. I did peek earlier this week and it showed 1 up, so I will take that. Meh whatever. I haven't been focusing on following the plan, my mind has been somewhere else. Tracking pts is boring me, which is why I haven't tracked this past week. I haven't ate horrible maybe the only thing was pizza and wings, but they wouldn't have put me over my weekly pts.
I have to find some other diet or "life style change" to do. Obviously WW isn't doing it for me, not sure where the problem is. I am not giving up, don't get me wrong, just need to give something else a try, not sure what, but when I find it I will let you know.

I am on holidays this week. I forget sometimes, then when I remember I don't have to get up Monday morning, I get all giddy inside. : p I have lots I want to do, like clean out my spare room that has collected a bunch of junk....you know the room you just throw stuff in cause you don't want to deal with stuff at the moment, and I also have to clean out my garage too as well as just other things around the yard.

YAY Holidays. L♥ve!

Bella

Feel Good

Despite my .8 gain, I am alright with it. Did I expect it? No. But, why stress my self over it, really, there is no point anymore. I just gotta keep going on and never give up. I am not even trying to think why I would be up, well ok maybe I did for a couple seconds (water, bloat ing, pms, the heat). But, whatev, I am feeling good and happy, and getting in the right mind set.

In a week, I will be on holidays. Soooo can not wait. I am usually the big traveler going somewhere, but this time I am having a week at home. I have a few big projects I want to get done in the house, so I will be doing that among other things like, sleeping in during the week, going shopping during the DAY, and just not being at work, and get rid of stress. : )

Here is to a good week, and seriously hoping to break this stump.

Bella ♥

Down 1

To my surprise I was down 1 this week. Wasn't expecting it at all, since I had a stress eating day on Wednesday (BPs cactus chips, pizza, cake). I feel good about it, and going to continue on with things and just fight the hunger.

On my grocery trip tom orrow, I am going to stay away from buying snackie food items like, 100 cal paks (cookies, crackers etc stuff like that). If I am feeling hungry, I will be grabbing the water bottle or pre cut up veggies. I think the culprit is the snackie things, it's gotta be, cause I sometimes won't have just one pak, 2 are satisfying, non filling items. SO, that is one goal, stay away from snackiesthis week and see how it goes. Second, exercise more, I feel great after doing WATP (walk away the pounds) and I slacked this week. Do it at least 3 days!

Smooches

Bella ♥

Frustration....once again

Up 1 lb. So tired of this, I think my body hates me. Going down 1, then up 1 the next....why can't I break this few lb rut?? Maybe doing WW isn't right for me? Not sure what is right for me to get this weight off?

I am going to give it another go this week, and if it doesn't change then I will have to look at other things to try change it up.

I know I can do this, I know I CAN!

Bad, Bad Week.

I had a bad week mentally, emotionally and eating. Chinese food, chocolate, cookies, chips, fast food, chocolate and more chocolate. I only worked out 30 mins total, and really I shouldn't be frustrated, but I am. I am hard on my self because I let my self eat so much crap and I know I can do better. Losing focus sucks. That said, I was down .8. WTF?? huh.

This week I gotta buckle down and eat right, fight the hunger, fill up on more veggies and work out everyday, even if it's for 20 mins, a little goes a long way.

Here is to continuing this crazy journey and getting my ass back in gear.

Smooches

Bella ♥

Fat go away

That's all.

STS again

Sigh. Frustration. Disappointment. Blarg. BUT, keeping my spirts up. I just want to see the scale move already.

This week, I WATP (walk away the lbs) every day, I shredded 3 days too. It's part of my evenings now to do it, I feel as if my day isn't complete unless I exercise now. Who woulda thunk it!? Weird, I know.

This week, it's increasing my water, ladies on the GDT advised with exercising I may retaining water a bit, so upping the water and hopefully see the scale down next Saturday.

The weather is fabulous today, finally nice warm sun and perfect temps.

Bella ♥

30 Day Shred

This past week sucked balls on eating.....everything from Boston Pizza two nights in a row (cactus potatoes with dip, pasta with lots of cheese, pizza etc.), chocolate and candy galore, chips. Frick. After eating all that this week, i was thinking oh ya huge gain coming, but I stayed the same. My body must love me or something, cause I totally deserved a gain.

BUT........................I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE BINGE EATING!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!!

I am gunning to do the 30 Day Shred everyday. Yup. Even if I don't finish the whole cycle at a time, I will do it every night. NO EXCUSES ANYMORE. I am holding my self to it, I need to do something more then just walking, it's just not enough. And add in there Walking away the lbs too, it's a lot easier to sweat like a pig in your own home rather then out in public. So. Not. Pretty.

My goal for June is to break the 5 lbs I've been fooling around with by the 15th (my birthday), get into the 80s and say bye bye to the 90s forever. Giving up is not an option. By the end of summer to be in the 60s. I think it is doable for sure, so that means exercising everyday and eating right.

Bring on June, I am ready for you! : )

Bella ♥

Long weekend

YAY the long weekend is here, so happy about that. It is going to be a quiet one for me, the weather sucks as usual for May long, but going to make the best of it.

WI this morning was 2.2 down of the 3 last week. I am glad with that I guess, but really want to be out of this 5 lbs up and down thing, it is frustrating me like crazy. I just need to focus and kick this sugar craving thing I've had going on and I'm sure that will help a lot.

Today, I am going to get my hair done, going drastic change for me. I am kinda nervous about it actually, but I'm sure it will look great. Pics to follow. After my hair appt I'm going

to a friends for dinner and girl talk. The rest of the weekend is cleaning and organizing and relaxing.

Have a great long weekend everyone!

Bella ♥

Suckage....Big Time

So, I suck huge this week, not surprised with all the sugar I was craving and caved into and my major retaining water I was up 3.6 yesterday. My hands and feet are so swollen, hence the lack of drinking water, and the heat with wearing flip flops kill me. The binges continued yesterday with cookies and chocolate and chips. When I finished I threw the crap in the garbage.

Today is a new day, woke up had a balanced breakfast and did 3 hrs of yard work and I am currently on my second liter of water. This week will be back to good choices no giving into junk even if I want it, not going to run to the store and pick it up.

I had tooth work done on Friday, the effing thing is still bothering me and advil is helping some what, but hope it goes away by tomorrow. If it doesn't then a call to the dentist will be made.

Here is to a good week, and getting in the exercise I will be down that 3 lbs.

Bella ♥

Meh WI

Not feeling to happy about my loss this week, down .2. I know, I know accept it, move on it's better then a gain.

I am going to focus harder this week, maybe try doing a little more exercise (not promising anything) and just eat more filling foods and keep on track better then I was. My week was alright, never went crazy or really off course. I would love to see 2 lbs at least gone if not more for next week.

Yoga today was nice, I felt confused and not in the right mind space today but I'm still enjoying it. After I went for a nice pedicure, my pink happy toes are very summerish.

I am going to chill tonight and tomorrow is get my arse in gear and clean this house.

Bella ♥

Down 3.8!!

Stuck to the plan, and down 3.8 this week!! Sweet!! I had to step on the scale twice just to make sure I saw it correct, as I said out loud to my self, this can't be right. haha But it was sooo right!

Fat Secret isn't allowed to put WW pts on there site anymore, so I broke down and joined WW online so I can have a place to track everything. Free sign up if I joined for 3 months, saved $39 score! : )

Yoga class #2 was this morning, I enjoyed it way better today then the first time. My back is slowly getting better too, which will help with Yoga as well. My lovely friend Jen is doing it with me too and loves it. It's great to have a wonderful friend to do things with that we both enjoy and keep each other motivated. So many great people in my life to keep me going and not letting me give up on my self. I couldn't do it with out a lot of you in my life. ♥

I got a cute new flat iron today, my old one died on me. It's pink sparkly with swirls and bling bling on it and if I got this one I saved $40 and got a mini one for free, and other score. The mini will be great for traveling too. I got it from Sally Beauty Supply store. They have sooo much salon quality stuff for cheap. I will have to go next time and look around more.

Enjoy your week and everyone stay OP. Giving up is not an option, keep on keeping on. Strive for your goals and you will get where you want to be!

Bella ♥

W.T.F.

So, I will suck it up and take the fricken 2.4 gain. WTF?? On Wednesday I was down 3, and Saturday rolls around and I'm up??? Sigh. I am blaming it on me retaining water and the muscle relaxants I have been taking, because I was 100% OP (well went over by 5 pts on Wednesday). When I saw that gain, I was bitter about it, pissed off, cranky, didn't give a crap. I got over the crankyness and said to my self, I am not going to give up. All I can do is just keep on going and just work harder at getting my water, get back at going for walks and just keep on keeping on.

Yesterday was the first yoga class. It is rather interesting, and relaxing. I think more I do it the more I will like it, and it will become easier. My shoulders are a little more, my back is getting better slowly which is good.

Here is to a better week, and not giving up!

Bella ♥

Hi, It's Me........

Couldn't think of a title for this one. haha

I was down 1 lb this week, YAY, but was hoping for more but oh well better down then up right?

This week I am not going to do Wendie Plan, I will stick to my 31 pts a day and see how that goes for me. I think some days it will be tough, but will give it my all and just do it. Perky Jen and I are starting a plus size yoga class next Saturday. I am pretty excited because I've always wanted to try yoga and bonus it's just down the street from my house!

We are having beautiful weather here, it is amazing 25C although we could really use rain. Today I was up early for grocery shopping, I cleaned the house, and I have a ton of laundry to do (ahhhhh the smell of Tide makes me happy).

Happy Sunday!!

Bella ♥

On to another week.....

Week one 100% on track, and was up 4lbs Friday (wtf??), re weighed Saturday morning and was down 2 of those 4 lbs (again wtf??). Oh well, count it and move on, and not let it get me down, other wise I will just get the don't GAF mode.

I have been slacking in the walking dept, it's not as easy for me to do it lately. You'd think something as easy as walking would be well easy to do, but I just haven't been feeling like it. I need to change that this week. I have been following the Wendie Plan, I changed my super high day to Saturday, so hopefully that will help with the weight loss by Friday. I need to get in more veggies, even though it seems like I am eating so much all ready. Gotta do, what I gotta do.

My parents are back from their winter holiday and dad is bringing me some of my clothes I left behind today. I don't even remember what I left behind. haha I know there are these realllly cute Bermuda denim shorts I bought that were too tight when I bought them, so those will HAVE to fit me so I can wear them this summer....my motivation item. Spoke to my brother this morning and he figures he will be gone another month or two (yay)!! So love having the house to my self.

Here's to a good week of eating and losing weight!!

Bella ♥

New week......

So, I came to realize that I have been eating too many pts for my weight range. I am now eating 31 pts vs 34, and I am going to give the Wendie plan a try.

Today is day 1 and I am hungry. I hate hunger. I am trying really hard not to go munch on something. Supper time can't come soon enough.

Just a short sweet post for today. It is a lovely clear blue sky day here today.

Bella ♥

Long weekend....

What's everyone doing this long weekend??

Yesterday, Jen and I went for a quick road trip to the farm to check things out. My parents aren't leaving to come home till Monday. Everything is good at the ol homestead. I brought my old fat cat Syl here to the city with me. He was soooo happy to see someone, he's been a long for so long there. He ate, walked outside and rolled around on the ground, very happy kitty. We walked around the yard, checked things out, I showed Jen around and then we packed up Marley and the cat and headed out. I went to visit my Gidos grave (tear), then drove and showed her our first place we lived, and then the place my dad grew up and all of our land we own, it was a nice drive in the country.

Dixie is sooo not thrilled with another cat in the house, she still hisses and growls, and Syl does NOT like Marley walking or being near him at all. Good thing Syl has no claws otherwise Marley would be one scratched up dog, and he is now terrified of the cat. haha Poor guy.

Yesterday I got a sore throat coming on (note to self, don't make out with someone that isn't 100% over their illness), this morning it's still not better, a little stuffy but not tooooo bad, just really tired and blarg. I woke up early, not by choice though and did a few loads of laundry already and some other cleaning. Not much really going on this weekend for me and I don't mind. Possibly a friend coming over later, other then that don't really have much planned for the day.


Happy Easter, and as we say in Ukrainian- Z Velykodnimy sviatamy!


Bella ♥

Spring....

Ahhhh......breathing in the fresh Spring air!!!

It is such a beautiful sunny, warm weekend in E-town. I have the windows in the house open, nice quiet breeze coming through. The dog is outside playing in the yard, enjoying the fresh air (really I'm trying to tire him out hehe), I am inside cleaning.

I went for a hair cut this morning, and I got it shorter then last time and love it. Next time around I will get my color done, but debating if I want to grow it out a little longer, will see.

I was down 3 lbs yesterday of the 5 I had gained. Nice, but I can't wait to get it all off and then continue on more. I really am trying not to stress about it, it's hard not too, but trying is all I can do and just take it day by day. I am looking forward to wearing summer clothes and want to look good in them.

Not much else going on this weekend, just relaxing and just putzing around the house.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Bella ♥

Goals

Ahhhh, it's Sunday. Lovely Sunday. I slept in till 9 am, wow it's been a while since I've done that. I woke up made breakfast which was coffee, raspberry banana smoothie (I used almond tofu dessert in it for protein very tasty) and a smart one breakfast qusadila. total 10 pts, not bad I guess.

Lunch will be salad with sandwich and tons of water through out the day. Supper is roast beef, baby potatoes or rice, broccoli/califlower with cheese sauce. FF Neapoleon ice cream with raspberries. Mmmmm

My goals for this week will be, limit my self to computer usage in the evening to only 1-2 hrs (going to be tough since it's allllways on infront of me while I watch tv. What will I do rather then sitting in front of the tv or computer??? hmmm, well I could do stuff around the house, slowly go through my cupboards and get rid of stuff that has been in there for who knows how long, go for longer walks in the evening, do some yard work.....I have LOTS I can do rather then wasting it away.

Wish me luck! : P

Bella

Giving my head a shake........

I woke up crazy early this morning (6:30am), showered, did my hair, put my face on, took Marley for a early morning walk, then on I went to Walmart. I went to the newest one in SW Edmonton, lovely store, quiet and never busy no matter what time you go. I loaded up my cart with veggies and healthy choices. NO junk got in my cart.

While shopping I was thinking to my self, why am I being so hard on my self? Why do I give up so easily when I am doing so well? How much money I can save if I don't buy those chips, chocolates, candy??

I've come to the conclusion that I DO deserve to be happy, deserve to be comfortable in my own skin, deserve every good thing that happens to me. Nothing huge has happened to me yet, but I have my own goals to work on, and starting from the moment I am working to towards being happy about my self again. I am tired of going on this weight/mental roller coaster. I don't know why I stop, but all I know is that I have to just give it all I have, because I've come so far already and don't want that weight back on.

Spring is here, what's too look forward too? Gardening, yard work, and walks and more walks and just getting active this year. I am not going to sit around in the house anymore, getting out side and just doing something.

Tonights supper is half a panini bread pizza I made and broccoli slaw and a XL Tim's coffee. YUM!!! The weekend is almost over, tomorrow will be another early rising day, planning my meals for the week, laundry, cleaning, going for a couple walks and a trip to buy new yoga pants

Smooches

Bella ♥

F.A.I.L.U.R.E.

That's all I got.




Bella.

What NOT to do.....

I am proof of that, what not to do, not inspiring blah blah blah.........

I stepped on the scale this morning and shows I've gained 5 lbs. I guess I will have to take that, not sure if it's cause I'm dehydrated or if it's just the shitty food I've consumed in the past few days, weeks whatever but the scale never lies right? FFS.

Meh. I'm stressed out with weight loss, the whole thing is on my mind 24/7, I don't know what to do, I can't get my head in the right place to figure out what I need to do. I guess maybe actually not eating crap foods here and there doesn't help, but I haven't been bingeing or anything, just the wrong choices??? I don't know exactly.

I think I need to take a step back and just not think about it. Don't let it take over me. I am driving my self nuts with thinking about it, and talking about it. Trying this, trying that, it's driving me insane. Probably why I am having sleeping issues again. This is taking over my mind.

Work is the shits as well, soooo not happy where I am. I am going to stay where I am work wise till at least after August, there are no jobs out there right now, so hopefully when I plan to leave there will be work somewhere else.

OR.......I can just up and move?? : P But, that's not realistic right now, maybe in a year or so, but not right now.

I am just blabbing right now, so here is to my shitty day.

The only good part of my day is I am going for brunch to a friends house, and it will be lovely to catch up with her. ♥

Bella

Woke up on the right side of the bed

this morning. Fresh new morning, Sunday, lovely Sunday morning. Was up before the birds, not a soul on the roads and went for groceries.

I got a bunch of fresh veggies, nice LF cheeses, yougrt and a new SCALE!!! Hopefully this scale will be better then my old crapper one that was giving me insane WIs. It's a nice pretty glass one from Superstore $30 and digital.

I am going to be dedicated this week, I gotta get back to where I was mind wise. I am sounding like a broken record, but seriously I realized that how easy it is to go back to my old ways. Chips, chocolate, candy and just junk has filled my stomach more often in the last few weeks then it should have. I gotta train my body again to not want that stuff and live with out it (although a small cheat here and there will happen, I'm not going to lie).

This weeks goals: get all my water in (been slacking lately), go for my walks in the evening (with the time change next week there will be more day light, which is great), don't give into old habits and think postive and get the negative thoughts out of my head.

So there you have it folks, back on track 100%. If I am negative at any point on this blog, give me a kick in the ass! :P

Smooches

Bella ♥

I've been thinking.....

Why not just let things slide, don't dwell on things that I can't change or make happen? Somethings just take time to change or to make happen, why stress about them?

Diet has been sucking lately, just seems to have stalled. That happens, it's part of life, bumps, road blocks, mind changes make that happen. I am focused on what I need to eat, the little devil sitting on my shoulder screams "cake, chocolate, candy, fries" and the angel on my other shoulder screams "come on bitch keep focused" (not so sweet angel, but I like bitchy angels). I listen to both, they make me sane. The other voices, well they are just there and those I don't listen too. (Yes there are other voices, strange? Maybe not :P)

In the next year or so, depending on my finianical state I hope to make a major change, big life decision and move. Move away from Edmonton, maybe temperarily just to get away from here, and if I like living where I will go, I just may never come back. There is nothing holding me here, nothing at all. I need that change, I've been talking and thinking about it for a couple years now, and I realized that is what I need to do. I am ready to do it, just the pocket book isn't good and of course jobs as well. There is a course I want to take, I am saving up for it, and being on ther west coast (where I want to be) will benefit me taking this course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Saturday, beautiful sunny 9 degree day. I love Spring, the snow melting, the birds chirping, hearing music from homes and cars with their windows open. The clear blue Alberta sky is a wodnerful thing, and this city is a great place to go out and do things. Marley and I are going to go for a long walk this morning. I've been slacking on the walking this past week, so gotta catch up on it. Hopefully no one will yell at me while we are walking lol Had a great experience last weekend with that.

My weekend is going to be quiet, no real plans, just enjoy my time off work and relax mostly.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Smooches

Bella ♥

Blarg.

I am doing fine eating wise and sticking too things. What I'm not doing well at is, my emotions and shitty feelings. I am feeling down off and on, I am feeling alone, happy but not.....just not feeling like I was a few weeks ago. Not sure why, just can't seem to shake it.

Not knowing why is the frustrating thing. I don't really have anything to be sad about, if anything I should be happy. sigh.

Anyway, just kind putting my thoughts out there and don't really have anything to say.

Bella ♥

This weeks Meals

For the first couple weeks, I am going to follow their meal plans, just so I can get an idea of what I can have since there won't be carbs or sugars allowed. I think it will be easier for me.

Week 1 Meals:

Monday:
B-Plain yogurt with cinnamon and sweetener, glass of V8, coffee, Veggie Quiche Cups.
S-Turkey roll ups with cilantro mayo
L-Chicken salad (I omitted this salad, because i figured what I'm having for my snacks can be a lunch, so for my snacks I will have a few almonds and my yogurt)
S-Turkey Rollup
D-Asian Chicken with salad
D-Almond Ricotta Creme

Tuesday:
B-ham, V8, yogurt
S-celery with LCC (Laughing Cow Cheese)
L-Sugar free jello, Crab Cobb Salad
S-Mozza cheese balls with tomatoes
D-Marinated steak, salad, mock mashed potatoes
D-Lime Ricotta creme

Wednesday:
B-Hard Boiled eggs with caramelized onions , coffee
S-Turkey roll up
L-Grilled hamburger steak (no bun), Gazpacho, salad
S-Mozza Balls
D-Oriental Cabbage Salad, Ginger Chicken Breast, steamed snow peas
D-Almond Ricotta Creme

Thursday:
B-V8, Baked eggs in CDN bacon cups, coffee
S-Mozza Cheese stick
L-SF jello, Chopped salad with tuna
S-Mozza cheese balls with tomatoes
D-Broccoli, Raspberry Chicken breast with herbs, fennel salad
D-Lemon Ricotta Creme

Friday:
B-Coffee, Baked Eggs in CDN Bacon Cups
S-Celery w/LCC
L-Poached Salmon Spinach Salad w/ Olive Oil Vin dressing
S-Hummus with veggies
D-Grilled Steak with Grilled Tomato Relish
D- Maple Almond Flan

Saturday:
B-CDN Bacon, V8, Scrambled Eggs with herbs and mushroom, coffee
S-Mozza Sticks
L-Sliced Steak on Mixed greens, jello
S-Hummus with veggies
D-Garlic Soy Grilled Pork Chops, Roasted Veggie Antipasto with Parmesan, salad
D-Vanilla Ricotta Creme

Sunday:
B-V8, Coffee, Cheesy Frittata
S-mozza stick
L-Chicken Breast with salad, jello
S-Celery with LCC
D-Grilled Salmon with Rosemary, salad, steamed asparagus
D-Vanilla Ricotta Creme

Here's to a great week 1 of my new diet. I am aiming for a kick ass lose, nothing makes me happier then losing weight. I am worth it, totally worth it!

Smooches
Bella ♥

South Beach Diet

Monday is the big start date on the South Beach Diet. I think I will really enjoy it, it seems balanced and healthy.

Phase 1 lasts 2 weeks, can eat as many proteins and vegetables as I like, plus fats like olive oil. Fruit and starches aren't allowed until Phase 2. The recipes will give me a varity of things to eat, and they sound very yummy. I like that I can print out everything and have it right there for each day. I am going to get a little binder and put every week in it so it's all there and nothing will get misplaced.

Saturday my plan is to get up early, get dressed anad head to the stores with my list. It will be a big pricey grocery trip, but I need to get all fresh foods. There are somethings I have already, but it will be worth it cause it's something I will stick too and enjoy. It is all worth it in the end, cause I want to be one sexy bitch. :P

After this week I've had (been total and complete hell) work wise I need to get my body back on track. I have been sucking at eating, I had multiple binges, pizzas, chips, chocolate bars etc etc. My body hates me, it's like OMFG woman, WTF are you doing to me???? So, I am going to listen to my body, and get fresh GOOD foods back into my body and I gotta get rid of the negative I have. It's hard to do when work is involved, it's seriously sooo much stress I can't help it. I am waiting for the moment for me to break down, seriously.

I am excited for this diet, I will think positive and put my self first and continue on with my wonderful life. Also, being out of CC debt and other debts is a great feeling, that takes A LOT of my shoulders.

Smooches
Bella ♥

Gotta keep focused

Every time the weekend comes, I think that it's alright to eat like carp. Not sure why, but I do and it's starting to bother me. Possibly it's because I am usually not overly busy or weekends is when cravings come and I give in to them.

Today it was 2 chocolate bars (god help me), shared cactus nachos, and had a boston brute from BPs, chocolate milk. I currently feel like ass, and my stomach isn't very happy with me.

What do I do to get out of the oh a little bit off on the weekend won't matter? Possibly, I just gotta keep healthy tasty snacks around so I stop wanting the "real" junk food? I don't know. I gotta stay focused, totally focused other wise I will go back to where I was, and God knows I don't want that to happen. 40 lbs is too much to turn my back on.

I would like to do a few things, but I don't feel comfortable doing things on my own. A yoga class, also thinking to maybe try curves out as well, but I wish I had someone to go with. I can do walking the dog on my own, but when it comes to a class I am too scared to do it my self with people I don't know. Yoga is the one class I would like to try just to see if I will like it.

Bella ♥

40 DOWN Baby!!!!!!!!

Sweeeeet Mama!!!



I feel great, happy......sure crazy how fast your mood can change and how you feel about stuff once something like that happens.



I am starting The South Beach Diet next week, which I think I will like. It's similar to what I am doing right now, but I just want something to follow and I am going to try doing it online which isn't too bad in price ($20 per month), and if I don't like the online thing, I will cancel it and just continue on with out it. I am pretty excited about it though.



Here's to another kick ass week!!!



Smooches
Bella ♥

Meh.

That's all I have to say, is meh.

Not much really to add, been stressed, down and blarg for the past week or so. Weight is going alright, I haven't weighed in over a week though because my scale sucks due to not reading proper weights, and I haven't gone to buy another one. Other then that, not much to add.

Bella

Binge

Yup. That's what I did tonight. I had major cravings, I tried to fight them, but I gave in. 1 small bag of sour cream N onion chips, Reese's peanut butter cups, and chocolate milk. I think I packed them away in 10 mins flat. My gut hurt. I think that was the first time I binged like that in a long time.

Tomorrow, will be back to regular scheduled programming. I will be up no later then 7:30am, go get a few groceries (fresh veggies, good bread, ff lunch meat and fruit is all I need), come home and have breakfast, then I gotta scrape my walks which is a huge job as I live on a corner lot so will get half of it done, then clean clean clean. I sat on my ass all day today except for my 2 walks, but one of them included my stopping at the store.

I am hoping, if I drink tons of water, this effing binge won't affect my WI on Monday. I gotta hit up that low carb store to pick up somethings, since I am going to be focusing more on the low carbs and low low sugar. If anyone reading this can give me ideas for low carb things to look for, please comment and let me know.

My new beginnings are coming, I see my self at 200 lbs, I can see it beyond the horizon. Then I can see my final goal 150, it's there, I know it is, I can taste it. I will get there, I know I will, because I WILL NOT be over weight for the rest of my life, I WILL NOT give up.

And for a side note: Cute English guy asked me out for drinks the other day, had to cancel cause I was feeling like a cold coming on. Hope to go for those drinks soon though. : )

And GO SAINTS!!!!! Who Dat????

Bella ♥

Stress, diet and sticking to it

Sigh.

So stressed.....about money. I can't ever seem to catch up on things, it just stresses me out. I am trying hard to not give into my stress eating. Earlier this week, when Marley and I went for our walk, I stopped at the corner store and bought Reeses Peanut Butter cups, and ate all three of them on the walk. It was like heaven in my mouth. I felt bad after, but omg, it was good.

This week, it was alright, feeling a little tired but over all I am feeling awesome. I count on my friends to stand by me and help me when I am down. I look to them for inspiration and give me a kick in the ass when I need it. The next week will be a start of a challenge for me, there is changes in my plan I will be making, and going to just try focus and continue on.

Tomorrow, I am going to wear my new jeans I got. FINALLY got them back from the tailor, and they are in a smaller size. They fit me perfect, and when I go down more, they will still fit me good.

This weekend, is going to be low key and just hanging out at home, and it's going to be wamer out, so I have a lot of snow clearing to do on my side walks, and also get in some walks.

Till next time..............

Bella ♥

35 DOWN baby!!!!

That's right, yup uh huh. *dancing around*

Only gaining 1 lb while on vacation, and then getting down again, and kicking ass this week. I feel great, I could barely contain my excitement, I wanted to scream out loud. haha

My total measurements are 6 off waist, and 4 off hips.

Tonight, to celebrate I am going to treat my self to a individual pizza from BPs and a salad. I don't think that is too bad, and then Sunday there is a gtg for Pam being in town and we are going to the Sawmill for brunch. I will try my hardest to stick to something good, maybe I will have a protein bar or something to curve my appetite a little, just so I won't go crazy and fill my plate.

Tomorrow I am going for a hair cut. I am planning on chopping my hair off, to give me a change, something to get me refreshed and feel even better about my self. I will update this, cause I just might chicken out. hehe

I was told today, that before I started losing weight, that this person always noticed I looked so sad all the time, barely smiled, always had this sad look on my face even if I may have laughed. And now, it's like I'm a totally different person.....always smiling, always laughing, seem more confident in my self, and hold my head up high.

It is true though, I was sad. My soul was sad, I never let my self show. I hide from who I really was, and now more of me is coming out. I am putting MY SELF first, and you know what.........I rock, I am a wonderful person. I am living my life to the fullest as I can, and one day, I will be where I want to be for weight, and no one will ever tell me I can't do it again, cause I will prove them wrong!

I have such wonderful friends, who are mean more to me then they know. THEY are my rocks, they are my family, they are my life. To all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for helping me through everything, and thank you for loving me and holding me up when I'm down, YOU GET me. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Smooches

Bella

Update

I had a whole thing typed out and I touched my mouse pad and it got rid of everything, so I'm just going to do something quick.

Holiday was great, love New Orleans, I will go there again one day, but would love to go with friends and when it's in the warmer months. I was happy to come home though, but not to a frozen freezing province.

I am very frustrated with things today......money, work, and just life right now. I am not in a good positive frame of mind. I'm just sick of everything, and just want certain things to the right way for me.

I was only up 1 lb after the holidays, which surprised me, but all the walking I did probably helped.

Holiday/life update

So, I am back from my vacation. Such a wonderful time, saw lots, ate lots and laughed lots. By the time the end of my holidays came, I was ready to be away from my parents. I just wish I didn't have to come back to a frozen winter province.

New Orelans is fricken awesome, love it there, will go there again, but would like to go with friends and in the warmer months. The people are so polite and gracious, and really them brothas are Holy moly....can you say YUMMY, with that southern accent, delish. haha

To my surprise I only gained 1 lb. I guess all the walking and touring I did helped with it all. I think if I would have been consuming more water, I probably would have lost some, but I was retaining water big time....the swollen ankle showed it, cause of the humidity.

Today, I am just blarg. I am stressed because of money, I canceled my tv for now, cause I can't afford it right now. It's only been a couple hours with out it and I hate it already. I like to have the tv on, even for just background noise. I might have to invest in a radio or something, but at least I can watch certain shows on the internet and watch DVDs.
Another downer is work. I love everything I do for work, it's just the company and my co-workers (well 2 of them). I just can't handle the bull shit anymore, it makes me cranky, so very negative by the end of the day. I don't get paid enough to deal with being treated like a pce of shit, be talked to like a pce of shit, and just no respect. I just go there, do my job and leave, once I walk out those doors, work isn't on my mind.

Self sabotage

That was me this morning.

I had to go for blood work, so I had to fast for 12 hrs. I never went till 10:30, so by that time I was hungry. My emotions and hormones have been out of wack for the past few days.

I go to Superstore I got veggies, lean meats, some fruit and go down the cracker isle and pick up a small box of PC chocolate covered short bread cookies. Yup. I never even hesitated, never felt bad, didn't feel anything at all. I get in my car, open the box and eat 2 before I even leave the fricken parking lot. I proceed to drive home and have 3 more (half the box) at this point, then my stomach starts aching and making strange noises. It's yelling at me, I know it is.

I text a friend to tell what just occured and she advised to throw them out and go on a walk, NOW. I put them in the garbage, took the bag outside, come in the house and sit on my kitchen step and cry. Holy breakdown batman. Shortly after, I put on my shoes and take Marley for a long walk.

Now, this is the first time in 3 months I have had a binge like this. It tastes sooo good, but I felt like a huge pig after. Why did I do it? Cause I wanted to and I didn't give a shit at the time. Will I do it again? Probably, but not anytime soon.....I won't lie.

So, here is what I am losing weight for.......my health, to feel better, too look better, to be more confident, to just feel comfortable in my own skin. #1 reason.......to be slim for once in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am leaving for New Orleans on Wednesday, so I probably won't get to blog before I leave. I weigh in tomorrow rather then Wedneday, so I will see if I will be in the 200s. I doubt it, but whatever. I will try stay as good as possible while on vacay. I booked reservations for Friday at Emerils restaurant, it's my dads birthday, so we figured going there and splurging will be a good idea. I CAN NOT wait to eat there!! lol I am also planning on going to have lunch at one of John Beshs restaruants there as well.

I have sooo much I want to see and do there, I only got 4 days so I will be getting in a lot of walking and site seeing. The hotel we are staying at is in the French Quater/downtown, I can't believe I'm going to fricken New Orleans!!!!!

The other half of my holiday will be spent in Arizona. My parents just bought a new place there, on 6 Acres, it's a mansion. They just moved into it last week, so this will be the first time for me seeing it on the inside. Can't wait for that, and some shopping as well and relaxation in the hot tub!

Bella ♥