35 DOWN baby!!!!

That's right, yup uh huh. *dancing around*

Only gaining 1 lb while on vacation, and then getting down again, and kicking ass this week. I feel great, I could barely contain my excitement, I wanted to scream out loud. haha

My total measurements are 6 off waist, and 4 off hips.

Tonight, to celebrate I am going to treat my self to a individual pizza from BPs and a salad. I don't think that is too bad, and then Sunday there is a gtg for Pam being in town and we are going to the Sawmill for brunch. I will try my hardest to stick to something good, maybe I will have a protein bar or something to curve my appetite a little, just so I won't go crazy and fill my plate.

Tomorrow I am going for a hair cut. I am planning on chopping my hair off, to give me a change, something to get me refreshed and feel even better about my self. I will update this, cause I just might chicken out. hehe

I was told today, that before I started losing weight, that this person always noticed I looked so sad all the time, barely smiled, always had this sad look on my face even if I may have laughed. And now, it's like I'm a totally different person.....always smiling, always laughing, seem more confident in my self, and hold my head up high.

It is true though, I was sad. My soul was sad, I never let my self show. I hide from who I really was, and now more of me is coming out. I am putting MY SELF first, and you know what.........I rock, I am a wonderful person. I am living my life to the fullest as I can, and one day, I will be where I want to be for weight, and no one will ever tell me I can't do it again, cause I will prove them wrong!

I have such wonderful friends, who are mean more to me then they know. THEY are my rocks, they are my family, they are my life. To all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for helping me through everything, and thank you for loving me and holding me up when I'm down, YOU GET me. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Smooches

Bella

Update

I had a whole thing typed out and I touched my mouse pad and it got rid of everything, so I'm just going to do something quick.

Holiday was great, love New Orleans, I will go there again one day, but would love to go with friends and when it's in the warmer months. I was happy to come home though, but not to a frozen freezing province.

I am very frustrated with things today......money, work, and just life right now. I am not in a good positive frame of mind. I'm just sick of everything, and just want certain things to the right way for me.

I was only up 1 lb after the holidays, which surprised me, but all the walking I did probably helped.

Holiday/life update

So, I am back from my vacation. Such a wonderful time, saw lots, ate lots and laughed lots. By the time the end of my holidays came, I was ready to be away from my parents. I just wish I didn't have to come back to a frozen winter province.

New Orelans is fricken awesome, love it there, will go there again, but would like to go with friends and in the warmer months. The people are so polite and gracious, and really them brothas are Holy moly....can you say YUMMY, with that southern accent, delish. haha

To my surprise I only gained 1 lb. I guess all the walking and touring I did helped with it all. I think if I would have been consuming more water, I probably would have lost some, but I was retaining water big time....the swollen ankle showed it, cause of the humidity.

Today, I am just blarg. I am stressed because of money, I canceled my tv for now, cause I can't afford it right now. It's only been a couple hours with out it and I hate it already. I like to have the tv on, even for just background noise. I might have to invest in a radio or something, but at least I can watch certain shows on the internet and watch DVDs.
Another downer is work. I love everything I do for work, it's just the company and my co-workers (well 2 of them). I just can't handle the bull shit anymore, it makes me cranky, so very negative by the end of the day. I don't get paid enough to deal with being treated like a pce of shit, be talked to like a pce of shit, and just no respect. I just go there, do my job and leave, once I walk out those doors, work isn't on my mind.

Self sabotage

That was me this morning.

I had to go for blood work, so I had to fast for 12 hrs. I never went till 10:30, so by that time I was hungry. My emotions and hormones have been out of wack for the past few days.

I go to Superstore I got veggies, lean meats, some fruit and go down the cracker isle and pick up a small box of PC chocolate covered short bread cookies. Yup. I never even hesitated, never felt bad, didn't feel anything at all. I get in my car, open the box and eat 2 before I even leave the fricken parking lot. I proceed to drive home and have 3 more (half the box) at this point, then my stomach starts aching and making strange noises. It's yelling at me, I know it is.

I text a friend to tell what just occured and she advised to throw them out and go on a walk, NOW. I put them in the garbage, took the bag outside, come in the house and sit on my kitchen step and cry. Holy breakdown batman. Shortly after, I put on my shoes and take Marley for a long walk.

Now, this is the first time in 3 months I have had a binge like this. It tastes sooo good, but I felt like a huge pig after. Why did I do it? Cause I wanted to and I didn't give a shit at the time. Will I do it again? Probably, but not anytime soon.....I won't lie.

So, here is what I am losing weight for.......my health, to feel better, too look better, to be more confident, to just feel comfortable in my own skin. #1 reason.......to be slim for once in my life.

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I am leaving for New Orleans on Wednesday, so I probably won't get to blog before I leave. I weigh in tomorrow rather then Wedneday, so I will see if I will be in the 200s. I doubt it, but whatever. I will try stay as good as possible while on vacay. I booked reservations for Friday at Emerils restaurant, it's my dads birthday, so we figured going there and splurging will be a good idea. I CAN NOT wait to eat there!! lol I am also planning on going to have lunch at one of John Beshs restaruants there as well.

I have sooo much I want to see and do there, I only got 4 days so I will be getting in a lot of walking and site seeing. The hotel we are staying at is in the French Quater/downtown, I can't believe I'm going to fricken New Orleans!!!!!

The other half of my holiday will be spent in Arizona. My parents just bought a new place there, on 6 Acres, it's a mansion. They just moved into it last week, so this will be the first time for me seeing it on the inside. Can't wait for that, and some shopping as well and relaxation in the hot tub!

Bella ♥

Fabulous Saturday

I had a great day!!

I got up early, took marley for a quick walk, had a cup of coffee, toast with jam and a protein bar (nice quick eating). Then I went for a brow wax to my awesome girl, and now I look a lot better no uni-brow. haha After I went for a faaaaabulous pedicure, and my feet feel sooo good, nice and soft and pretty.

For lunch I had a small turkey bacon club sandwich and a coffee, with a apple fritter. I got in a lot of my water today, still hate drinking the stuff, but it helps a lot. I took Marley for a 1 hr walk, the weather is soooo nice today, you could just feel the warm sun. It was lovely.

For dinner, I am thinking a beef burrito with veggies and dip. I have no real plans tonight, might gtg with a friend, but other then that, I will just chill and relax tonight.

I hope everyones day was as wonderful as mine.

Bella ♥

30 lbs DOWN!!!

So today, I am down 2.8.....so that is a grand total of 30.8lbs down!!!!!!!!!!

How fricken fantastic is that??? I am very happy, I don't even know what to do with my self. I want to brag to the whole world, or something!!!!!

Not much else to say but I am happy, happy, happy!! And to think the thought of giving up was in my brain a few days ago....pfffttt...totally gave my head a shake!

Bella ♥

Back to the grind

It's Monday, after my mini breakdown or whatever you want to call it.

Weighed today and was down .8 which is surprising. And measured my hips and down 2 more inches there, my wait is the same.

I am going to give it hard this week, I got to, a very close friend discussed things with me and made me realize that this is what I have to do, I can not give up. The one thing that made sense what maybe I am feeling scared of what kind of success I can have and I am not used to seeing this weight come off like it used too. It all makes sense to me now.

Sticking to it, sticking to it, STICKING TO IT!!!

I booked my self a pedicure for Saturday as well as a brow wax. I figured it is time for me to treat my self, and also for my vacation.

Bella ♥

How quick feelings can change.

Sigh.

Been thinking negative the past couple days. My mind is not in the right frame, it's waaay into left field. Can you believe the thought of giving up is in this brain of mine? Oh yes, yup uh huh.

I need to meditate or find some kind of freaking cleanse my mind, body and soul or something. I just feel like I am going to totally go off balance or go crazy or something. I don't know how to explain it. I just want to give up, and yes I know how good I am feeling, how much energy I have, now happier I am but still have this shitty attitude that won't go away.

I found this quote: "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny" - Frank Outlaw

I am hoping, tomorrow when I wake up I will be in the place I need to be. Until then, I will feel sorry for my self, dust my self off and get my ass in gear for and give it my all.

Bella ♥

2010

So, what is in store for the new year??

Last night I treated my self to sushi (dynamite roll, california roll and cucumber maki mmm). It was a very unpreductive night, I reflected on this past year and shed some tears. I always cry on new years even if I'm not sad, just thinking about things, just gets me all worked up.

I thought about my travels this year, I went to BC 3 times. Once to Kelowna, Vancouver and then Victoria. If I could afford to go there every month I would. I have so many wonderful, beautiful just awesome friends there. It just feels like home everytime I go to BC, it is my comfort zone. ♥

I went to Yuma Arizona, where my parents have a house. It is very nice there, weather wise. We went to San Diego where I went to SeaWorld, I was just a big kid there. I love anything under the sea, sharks, whales, fish of all kinds, it was a great time away.

The later part of the year, I got a wake up call from my mother after Thanksgiving. She called me after seeing me and said, you know Jan you have really do something about your weight. This is the heaviest I have seen you. I burst out crying and hurt at the same time, but I knew she was right. Just hate hearing it from someone else.

So, I tried to figure out what was right for me. Over the years I've done sooo many different diets, plans etc. I finally found something that works and I can do. It's strict which is what I need. One thing I learned is that my body loves sugar and carbs. Taking them out, or limiting my self from them does a lot with weight loss. Every body is different, what works for one person may not work for the other.

I haven't been this happy in a long time as far as feeling good about my self goes. My clothes are getting lose, I have way more energy, I laugh more, I am becoming more confident. Finally, I can say these things and actually be honest about saying them.

Here is to 2010, where I am going to rule this year and totally rock it. By the end of the year, I will be healither, sexier and happier.

Bella ♥